WAKE UP DEAD

So I guess I should probably give myself a small introduction and hopefully no one cyberbullies me I doubt it on a site like this but yeah pretty used to it. I am sensitive as frig and the internet has actually given me a pretty thick skin. I happen to be an Acadian from Nova Scotia raised anglophone, my french sucks but I am hoping to change that I feel that I could succeed at langauges but basically every expereince in my years of public school has been toxic for me. I have a learning disability the school system could care less about. I was advocating for myself to get some reconition some help and then what do you know a major health problem deciedes to ruin my life now I'm off school for however long been off for months the school has me off for a semester for sure. All I wanted to do was graduate I am in grade 12 and get the hell out I am sick of being bullied by teachers and students alike every time I am in the school I feel like I cannot breathe and I want to kill myself I used to always think of jumping off the railing and falling down the stairs to die at school I hate it that much. I feel suicidal a lot and oh yeah the major health problem is called hypersomia and they doctor hasn't done a single thing to help I see the psyhiatrist to straighten out my meds for good but he is my last hope and if his meds dont help I literally have nothing to live for I can't stand being my skin, rotting in this bed my mom used to make me cry and feel paranoid because I was so exhausted I could not go to school she thought guilting me would work but it just makes me so miserable and she still blames me for this stupid disorder. I am a feminist and it does remind me of victim blaming I did not choose to be a zombie. I have so little energy i can barely move luckily I sit in this bed and be on a laptop even this is tiring. I don't like the province that I live in at all, I think its is really conservative and you have to be upper middle class to enjoy it. People always talk about how beautiful it is but really if you have the time and the gas to go to those beautious places by all means... I hate how most people here let the church think for them instead of using their own brains. People here are really conformist and I face hosility even from teachers at school on my feminism. No one believes how much some of my teachers have bullied and harassed me I don't believe they deserve to get paid even higher and go on strikes because my parents work real jobs backbreaking labour and we are still working poor and you can tell the teachers are well off and yet they love to complain about how they are "overworked and underpaid". I have literally heard them abuse that term so many times I wish those words were a rope I could strangle them with. They claim aboit student debt at least you have a university education you privileged dick not everyone can have that privilege. Let's all have sympathy for someone working a government job to break children and their dreams like cattle and mutilate their souls like pigs in a factory farm for slaughter. The reason I actually got inspired to write something is because I woke up with a shooting pain in my hips I barely have any clothes at all that fit my body my undies were cutting off my circulation and my pj pants and I am on my period and wearing these old ugly shorts but at least they are not strangling me so they are going to get all stained with blood because I cant stand the digging into my flesh. It makes me feel so hopeless that I barely have any clothes that fit I want to look and feel pretty or at least comfortable. Clothes here are so expenisve. I go to school with a bunch of kids with nice clothes and I have always been made fun of because what I wear isnt nice like their's is. People treat me like I am dirty and lesser, people are so judgmental. I have rarely left this province only when I was little I went to other maritime provinces like PEI and NB but that was a long time ago, I'm almost 18 now and I cant even drive because I am too tired and also scared of driving not others driving but me myself and you NEED a car to live in NS. No wonder so many school kids here kill themselves.