Sexual Power and Pleasure. What does that mean to you?

I was asked to blog about sexual power and pleasure. I asked a close friend of mines what she thought and our opinions differed greatly. I decided to ask around to see what other young women thought. Here are the responses of those who took the time to answer:

Women with nice eye contact, a nice way of talking and of understanding. The way a woman walks gives an expression for a man to approach. A woman who looks confident with a nice smile is always good. The way a woman dresses, not showing too much skin; a guy wants to know what is happening under all that sexy dressing. What more? Pleasure: men want to know you more, and when I say a man I’m talking about good men (not gangsters). You have the pleasure of feeling wanted and you have more confidence in your power. You will be the one to decide what’s going on and what’s going to happen and if you want something to happen. It is like the pleasure of flirting without being ditsy. – Anonymous

In my eyes, sex is great. I love it. No, actually sex is AMAZING, with the right person. In order for me to fully appreciate the experience I really need to have strong feelings for the person I’m sharing the experience with, because it’s such an intimate thing to share with someone. I am no prude, at all, but I couldn’t just do it with a stranger, mainly because I don’t want to take risks and catch STDs (I know, condoms are a good alternative, but still, you never know).. And so.. I’m not willing to take this level of risk with just about anybody. Sex is really powerful, I believe that it can make or break a relationship… maybe not make, but it can definitely upgrade a relationship by improving the level of intimacy with your partner. And to me, the level of attractiveness I feel towards someone and my level of satisfaction in bed with this person are really connected to the way I feel about this person. Basically, the more I’m in love with the person, the more sex will be powerful and great and amazing and mind-blowing and in turn, the more I’ll be into the person. In other words, sex is great, but in order for sex to be amazing and even more powerful, it has to go hand in hand with love. After all, that’s why we call it “making love”. – J.S, student, 22

Having the power over someone to persuade them by using sexuality, like body language, or like using sex to manipulate someone… Having power over somebody brings pleasure. Being able to tell somebody what do. Like if someone likes the way you look you can have them do stuff for you. – SSW, student, 15

I think sexual power is the ability for a woman to sexually control a man. A woman can get any man she desires, she just needs to flaunt what she has and take control of the situation. As we all know, just like men,  how they think with their dicks we women sometimes think with our pussies…lol…sometimes we crack and we let men in but without the approval from us, men can’t get in. The way pleasure comes into this is from what we women gain (getting our daily hook up of the needed drug, sex). We reached our climax, we had a good joy ride and this is where we should kick the men to the curb, but most of us never do, now do we. When we keep men around our sexual power decreases, yeah the pleasure may be there but as soon as these men stay in our lives they want to take over, and then that’s when we as women need to step outside to let them know that we are in control ‘cause without us they’re nothing and without us they get nowhere. - N.T.B, student, 25

Surprisingly enough, as a woman, when first ask to express my opinion on sexual power and pleasure I had no idea what to write about. What is sexual power and pleasure? Had I ever experienced such a thing? Sadly enough NO! For as long as I could remember I have always tide my sexual experiences with a man’s pleasure and never once thought about my own sexual strengths and desires. So, to finally answer the question sexual power and pleasure is a woman’s ability to own and embrace her sexuality. So, from now on, let’s embrace our different shapes and sizes, our hips, large asses and our imperfections. That is true sexual power. In addition, let’s not feel ashamed to touch our bodies inside and out. Our goal sexual pleasure…L.P.G., student, 25

It’s when a male or female know they have hot/sexy appearance and they use it to their advantage when dealing with the opposite sex ‘cause they’re confident they’re the shit. Pleasure is basically the feeling you feel when your partner does sexual things to you and when you’re feeling good. You get pleasure from being confident you’re it because you know your partner would usually stand by you because you guys both know you’re it. - A.D.Y., student, 15

Sexual power is your influence, not only on the opposite sex but on the same sex. What my friend said was how she gets men to react to the way she looks. You can get men to do stuff for you because you’re sexy and you have it going on but you can use your sexuality to influence women as well because they look up to you, they might envy you but it’s because they want to be you. It is your influence on people and what they can get from you. For example a guy will do stuff for you because you’re sexy and he thinks he will get something from you after. Women will buy you a drink if they think you’re sexy. Sexual pleasure is something different. It is a two way streak instead of a one way. I can’t have complete sexual pleasure unless the person I’m experiencing it with is having sexual pleasure as well. You can get a certain amount of sexual pleasure out of having a sexual power over someone. - S.P.R, 22, student

I noticed that women in their early to mid-twenties had a lot more to say than teenage women. I believed that this had to do with the fact that as we age and acquire new experiences we come closer to knowing ourselves and what we want. Just to contrast further I included the response of an older woman:

You can get sexual pleasure in a lot of different ways, either by yourself, or with a partner etc.. But it has a lot do to with knowing your body and what gives you pleasure.It’s also about acknowledging that so many factors influence your experience of sexual pleasure, stress, physical health, self-confidence etc. Sexual power is also about knowing what pleases you and making sure you get it.Yes, it could be about your power over others using your sexual energy, but I am not sure how that works. Sexual power to me is knowing how I experience pleasure, understanding when it does not happen, and making sure I experience sexual pleasure because it is an important part of my life. – M.S., dentist, 38

Sexual power for me involves not only having power over someone else, but it is the power I get from my own sexuality. Feeling confident and sexy makes me feel powerful. Knowledge is power. As I get older and acquire knew knowledge about myself and my sexuality I become more powerful. I know what I like and what I dislike. With time I’ve come to the realization that to truly understand oneself and one’s sexuality, we must first become comfortable with our bodies and understand thoroughly how they work.

When I was 14 I read a book, “Our Bodies, Ourselves” by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective and it changed the way I perceived sex and my body. Knowing how my body works, I can now focus my energy on my sexuality, my pleasure and my power. Three books I would suggest for those looking for deeper insights in to their own bodies and sexuality:

Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective

 

 

Becoming Orgasmic by Julia R.Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo

 

 

For Yourself-The Fulfillment of female sexuality by Lonnie Garfield Barbach

 

 

 

I want to thank all of those who took the time to answer and share. Now go ahead and tell me what sexual power and pleasure means to you…

  • Marie-Ève

    Je dirais, pour moi c’est se connaître, connaître ses désirs, ses envie, ce que j’aime, ce que je n’aime pas, mais aussi être capable de le partager et/ou de le vivre en se respectant et en respectant son/sa partenaire (s’il y a).

    Marie-Ève – Kickaction.ca

  • KristinaDourada

    For me, sexual power is exceptionally awesome. It is the one form of dominance that women have been allowed over men since, well, forever. Usually it’s painted in a negative light, but I don’t think I agree with it being negative. It’s really great because, in my experience, one doesn’t have much power without truly knowing their own appetites and desires. Sure, there are the odd women who seem clueless as to their effect on anyone, but mostly the amount of power is directly linked to how comfortable a woman is with her body, and how confident she is in herself – not only physically but as an emotional, spiritual, essentially sentient being. Without embracing yourself, using sexuality as power is an easily broken facade.

    Regarding pleasure: I’m not sure that sex has to be with someone you love to be enjoyable; it’s possible to love someone thoroughly and just not connect sexually, or the other way – you could be apathetic or completely despise someone, and the sex is amazing. I’ve found that the more pleasureable and exciting my sexual encounters have been is more tied with my own personal state of mind at that time. I guess in a way it’s similar to power in that if you’re not comfortable with yourself, the whole experience lacks. 

  • malaika

    I agree that so much can influence a woman’s experience of sexual pleasure that for me sexual pleasure is being able to really be in the moment with your partner (or without a partner).  Also detrimental is all the research and studies telling women about the diffrent types of orgasms and how to reach them.  I like the comment about having sexual power and showing confidence can also serve as a role model for other young women.     

  • Josie B

    For me, sexual power and pleasure are intimately related.  They both start with being comfortable with yourself.  Self confidence is so important and so attractive in both men and women.  Once you have that, a lot just falls into place

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